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Work is a Four Letter Word

This post has nothing to do with the Smiths

This post has nothing to do with the Smiths

I don’t usually write about my employment (on the streetcar on the way home) but I am filled with so much loathing right now that I feel I have to. I have never been laid off, fired,  or left an employer on anything other than good terms.However, at my current position I am filled with an uncontrollable fear of losing my job. It not like I am bad at what I do or lazy, I just feel like I am surrounded by geniuses and I am just some black Jew who lucked out. This is not about race (even though I am the sole minority multiple times over) but I can’t help but feel any day now I’ll (I just saw Ian walking down St Charles) be disregarded and reminded that I’m just some nigger. You would think surviving two layoffs would make you feel needed but it hasn’t. All it has done is made me realize anything can (this crazy dude behind me is annoying the shit out of me. He keeps saying fucking “DMX one time” like he is on a damn rap song but no earplugs in sight) happen.

I often think where I’d be if I stayed in Atlanta . I would have friends, Jews, and probably still working at AT&T. It wasn’t a bad job and I was great at it but I felt I needed to live somewhere else and now all I want to do is move back, get my old job back, and live above the Model T at the Ford Factory Lofts. Maybe that is what I am feeling at work. Maybe it is not the way upper management talks down to me or the constant refocusing of priorities; it is my life calling me back. I miss 80’s night at the the Masquerade, I miss green curry and pizza that are amazing, and I especially black people enterprising.  

I guess I am just a slave to my choice. I hope one day Mr. Lincoln will grant me the wisdom to set myself free.

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