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butterflies & sandstorms

So I changed everything I am and I was and still people think me an asshole. I always thought I had to be the best or beat the world, my screename and e-mail addy address both show how I felt this time last year. I have been trying to beat the world for a whole year now and all it did was make me realize I was being controlled. I once thought myself a butterfly. Despite what people think I think it is more connected to Muhammed Ali’s motto than being girlie. Some weird internalization of a boxer’s words. I thought I could float like a butterfly but now I realized people can’t float, we swim or sink and after trying to sink into the world around me, I have choosen to swim until I find the right place to begin my descent and finally become a part of the world. Dan told me he wanted to take a dirtnap the other day, not forever just for a few days and I told him to take as much time away from the world as he should because it and I will be here when he returns. I think once he’s done Van Winkling, I am going to take a nice, long sleep in the midst of a sandstorm because I am going to need to be well rested if I plan on swimming away from here. I have a long journey ahead of me.

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