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The Walk into the Desert

As I stood by the palace walls and realized that thought of seeing him makes me feel awful I decided to walk away into the desert and find whatever it is that I had lost. As I walked the vast, hot sands I noticed there was a single butterfly. “A butterfly in the desert, how could this be,” I said in a confused tone. I stared at it bamfled as I watched it fly in the direction I was headed. I followed, not because I thought I would find an answer but because I thought I would figure out something about my own nature. The butterfly shimmered a golden color and left the smell of spices in its path. It flew with all the grace of ballerina yet resembled the erratic swirling of a dervish. As I followed this butterfly, I could hear what sounded like my name. I ignored it at first, thinking it was only in my head but then I saw him. I saw myself. Or what I could only describe as myself. I walked closer to him/me/us yet never lost sight of the butterfly. He/I/We stretched his/my/our arm out, held his/my/our palm up and the butterfly landed in his/my/our hand. It gently folded and unfolded its wings in his/my/our hand. I smiled and went to speak but he/I/we began. He/I/We explained himself/myself/ourself to me. He/I/We explained that he/I/we was a mummudrai all the while with his/my/our hand stretched out. And when he/I/we finished speaking, he/I/we squashed the butterfly in his/my/our hand. I laughed and cried for what seemed like an eternity over an insect. He/I/We looked me in the eyes and told me to murder the past and repair the future because if I continued living my life as an insect, it would end cold and alone in the desert. He/I/We walked closer to me, took my hand, kissed it, and said “now you know how Joan of Arch felt.” He/I/We turned and walked into the endless. I was left there alone in the desert holding a chrysalis aching to pupate. I throw it to the ground and stomped on it until nothing remained that resembled a pupae. I looked to the sun and headed on my way. Far from the palace, the king’s men, my former life. I smiled because I knew all the while I was no longer a bug, I was a man.

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