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Hello. My name is…

I hate that I’m in a state of emergency whenever I talk to him. It makes me feel like the world is on fire. He knows it yet he doesnt stop calling. I like what he offers but honestly I need someone who is a little more like me. The other (the favored) also puts me in that state of mind but it’s so chaotic that it works. The confusion, the disfunction, and the secrets brings us together. I have something in him that excites and engages me like nothing I feel anymore.

I hid in the shower for a few hours today to avoid my friends and instead I went to the backside of the field and watched the fireworks alone, came back to my room and called Dan. He was out swimming in a lake. I’m jealous not because I wasn’t there but because I’m becoming more secluded from life and he is embracing it more.
“In those days when you were hopelessly bored, I just liked you more.”
My mom called about a half past eleven and she had nothing to offer but more problems and for once I started them. I decided to act like her on the phone, not out of humor like in the past but because I simply didn’t feel like dealing with her or anyone right now. I stood on my head for a hour trying to cerebrally detox my brain from all of this over-thinking but it just lead to me on my computer looking at God-awful things and listening to songs that reminded me of people I no longer talk too. I’d say school was going well but right now it’s not going at all.

I wish the summer stayed a little bit longer this year but alas it looks like we are in for an early fall and long December.

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