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Ok so maybe I am a little scared by turning 21. I mean I always prouded myself on being this unenchanted boy among men but now, knowing that I am actually getting older, I am scared. I am scared that the greatest romance of my life started when I was in high school and faded away ( along with my artist motivation) at the end of my freshman year of college. I am scared because being from New Jersey was something that has fade with the years of living in Georgia. I am scared because soon my mom is heading back there to be closet to my grandparents and I will be here, in this state alone (save my friends) for the next couples of years if I choose so.

How does Eric deal with being so much older? I can not for the life of me understand it.

On a side note, Christopher is doing it again. Returning back into my life, like some frozen ball of cosmic shite’s revolution. I have made it clear I can not continue this “whatever we have” again because it interupts my life and anyone who tries to be apart of my life falls victim to the cold distant Anthony that comes back when Christopher is near. Yes, once he was a fire that I warmed myself by, but there are more hearths that I can see and I’d like to know what they feel like also.

It would be nice to be with someone who would not run away because he can not deal with his sexuality. Even though Eric and I both swore of love on friday night, I would like to find someone who would care for me as much as I did for them.

I am going to finish this one day soon.

This also.

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