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Spam is funny

I just got some spam mail that said:

Tens of thousands, hot, STD singles waiting for you.

And this is how I responded:

Dear Sexy STD Spammers,
I have three points I’d like to make about your headline and why I would never be interested.

1. I feel bad for people with Std’s but I sure as hell can’t date one. I do not want genital warts. That is just gross. And tell these people there is treatment!

2. Why are they waiting for me? Does my dick have ‘tussen in it? Is it the cure all of all? Because if it is I need to tell my doctor the next time I go see him. He could win a Noble Peace Prize or something.

3.If there are tens of thousands, why don’t they just date each other? I mean can people with genital herpes not have sex with each other in fear of having more genital herpes? Is there a set number of herpes their bodies can hold before the herpes take over?

So in conclusion, I’m flattered truly but you can see what reasons I have for not wanting to date any of your “tens of thousands, hot, STD, singles.” Tell them I’m sorry but getting some std just isn’t worth having sex for me. I mean I like sex but I get so tired of all the pushing and biting. Soon it’s just like are we done here because I could use a glass of water and I need to work on my homework for class.

Your’s Disease-Free,
– Anthony

Do you guys think I’m going to get a reply back? It would be sad if I did then that would mean someone is actually trying to pimp out “tens of thousands, hot, STD singles.” I wonder if Jennifer Hensen is on that list…didn’t she drop out of high school to cultivate herpes?


I think I called my roommate a faggot this morning when he woke me up with all the noise. I don’t feel bad but I wonder if I were dreaming that or if I did call him that. He is one, by the by. I can pick-out a close case in three mile radius and the moment his mouth opened it went off,”Red Alert, GAY Smelly foreign guy who will sleep 2 hours a night and wake you up every morning at ungodly hours.”

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